"Fear breads a deadening caution, a holding back, a stagnant waiting until people no longer can recall what they are waiting for or saving themselves for. When we fear failure more than we love life; when we are dominated by thoughts of what we might have been rather than by thoughts of what we might become; when we are haunted by the disparity between our ideal self and our real self; when we are tormented by guilt, shame, remorse, and self-condemnation, we deny our faith in the God of love." Brennan Manning

Monday, February 16, 2009

Home

I have no clue if anyone actually reads this any more.  I've been home for more than 7 months now and its been great!  How does one end a saga, ehhem, such as this?  Can I end it knowing that I'll probably have to return back to this place?  It's a question that remains to be seen?  For the few of you that read this blog I hope I shared a little of a soldier's life.  For the medical personnel that never really got to take advantage of any knowledge regarding me being a PA on an "ETT," I'm sorry.  Instead, I temporarily crossed branched infantry and gave you and me a view of the people on the ground doing the dirty work.
What will I come away with?  I'm a little angry, a little frustrated, a little "adjustment disordered," a lot grateful, a lot blessed, a lot glad to be home and more so grateful to be alive!  Since my departure, the team I left behind has lost a few men in the area I used to patrol and call home.  To them and their families, I am honored by their sacrifice.  To the men I served with, it has been a true honor and pleasure to serve our great country with you. You bring me great pride every time I look at our team photos.  Thank you. 
To my beloved family and friends, thank you for all the support you gave my family and me while we were all in our own desert.  To my parents, thank you, thank you, thank you.  Your prayers and support to my wife and daughter are boundless.  It's an honor to be your son.  I love you both.
To my beloved wife and daughter.  I'm grateful you never had to receive the notes I wrote for you both, just in case.  The notes were only a miniscule presentation for my love of you both.  Thank you for holding on tightly to our Lord Jesus to keep you strong in times of peril.  You were my strength and reason for living when many times it was tough to keep going out and doing the job.   Just getting home to you was the goal.
Thank you all for your prayers.  In 365 days of deployment, our teams ran over 250 missions in rural southern Afghanistan.   We went to areas not visited by Americans or coalition alike.  We went and did a job no one had done before in Afghanistan, in territory very much controlled by Taliban.  So, thank you.  I believe that because your devotion in prayer, my teams had no casualties despite our "encounters" with Taliban.  
To the teams we left behind, good luck and God speed.  May He go with you as He did with us.  To the spirits of those who gave the greatest sacrifice, you will always be remembered by me.  Your sacrifice means the world to me and my family.  You humble me and I honor you.
I leave you with one of the greatest statements ever made:

Man in the Arena

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

"Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

Thank you all,

Nathan