Huh?!?

I'm struggling for stuff to discuss here.  It's been a very busy few weeks and lots of what we've been doing is in the same nature of the prior posting so gosh how do I keep one interested.  Well, I've got to purchase a car when I get home and I've been having a tough time trying to find something I want touching base with what I can afford.  So, if there are any fairly wealthy people out there that want to sponsor me (BMW 328i or Toyota Tundra, for instance), feel free to leave a message and I'll be back with you in a few seconds.  At any rate, I've been looking over some of my pics of our last trip down to the Pakistan border and it put me in perspective of my needs.  It could always be worse, you could be the donkey!

By the way, happy February 1!  Knocking down the months over here.  We're in double digits, hooah....n'stuff!

A Little View

I rack my brain sometimes trying to find something to send over the blog that may interest you.  After about a year of this I must admit I'm a little tapped out on things that just may.  I can share some of what we do as "Police Mentors" but little else that we do out in the field.  Often I can show you pics of places that we visit but often its not really our tactical turf so to speak.  Recently, we picked up some new police to mentor and here are some pictures of some of the training we've been conducting on site.  Mind you, "Police" is a rather watered down version of "Local Soldier" in this country so much of what we teach is more military in nature.  If the ANP look a little weird, that's because I painted their eyes.  Any real concern, no, but just in case.

What you get

This is what you get when you cross a hottie named Auburn and a rather stout bruit named Kujo.

Anatomy of the Cold

There's a truth about anatomy and physiology.  The scrotum and testicles are located on the outside of the body because optimal sperm formation occurs a few degrees cooler than core temp (about 98.6 F).  Well, ye ole' scrotum is controlled by two muscle groups that control the elevation of the testicles, assisting with their warming and cooling, and of course, optimizing sperm production.  Well, the dartos and cremaster muscles both contract in response to one of two stimuli, sexual arousal or cold.  Well, in light of the painful, tragic and dire lack of sexual arousal there can be only one reason my testicles have been resting about 2 or 3 centimeters from my heart for the last few days.......it's cold as hell!  Holy......

Um, please say you're kidding

OK, so my internet has been down for about a week.  The weather we've been having has been pretty hellacious.  We've been down in the single digits at night, the heaters have been freeazing up and the wind and rain has been so impressive that its blown sat dishes in many directions.  We actually had snow the other day as well.

So, here's my wow.  I get on iTunes to check for any new music and low and behold I see "Menudo."  Um, far be it from me to be selective about who should be on the comeback trail but...........MENUDO!  WOW!  Major migraine flashback.  As a soldier protecting my country's best interests I think I should stand up now and say no!

In other news.....Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer have released a blockbuster combo ............

White Cedar

Holy crap!  Anyone seen any white Lebanese cedar?  Afghanistan has been deforrested to a point that'd make paper companies upset and I need to build an arc before its too late!

Rain. We have rain.

So, I can count on one hand how many days its rained since May.  Make that two now.  We've had three near solid days of rain.  My new sardine can is leaking like a 62 Chevy through the front door hinge and I've got Gator, the pup, diving in my room at every chance for any reprieve from the elements.  He leaves it smelling like a wet Afghan ass (donkey.... well.... maybe), to boot.  I couldn't take it so after dinner tonight he got a shower, (sponsored in part by Dr Bonnie of Boswell Animal Clinic of Columbus, MS.) That's free plug is for the chew sticks, vitamins, collars and shampoo sent by our lovey vet clinic in MS.  Stop on by there if you get a chance, nice folks.  

Moving on........So, now he's bundled up and too lazy to get outside for his food.  I'm sure I'll pay for it about 0100 when his stomach starts to growl.  Auburn tucked herself away under a conex on the ANP side and had her pups today.  It took a while to find her.  We looked everywhere, but under the conex on their side because there's no way that fat heifer could have fit under there.  Well, she did.  I could only count three brown pups.  We'll check in the morning to see if more entered this exquisite, real estate rich country.

We picked up our new guy yesterday.  Nice guy from Syracuse, NY.  Well, this is his first deployment.  SGM and I gave him the "old, its gonna be OK speech" when we picked him up.  Told him how well the roads were around here and he had little to be concerned about.  You know, trying to assist him in relaxing and not worrying about everything that he was told to worry about during premobilization training.  Well, we were getting ready to head out when we got stood down from leaving the base.  EOD (explosive guys) were detonating an IED right outside the base.   So, we pulled over, dismounted the Humvees and had a talk.  The new guy was still in the humvee waiting for instruction.   Well, you know me........I had to say something.  SGM looked at me and knew exactly what I was thinking.  I said, I have to.  It's his first day here and after the its safe speech I gotta say something!  So, I went around the vehicle and knocked on his door.  He opened and I told him he could get out and take off his body armor because they were detonating an IED on our main route.  It was classic.......everything a moment like that could have been and more.... "Rogggeerrr tthaatt siirr,"as he dismounted the truck.   I responded, "Hey, you want some coffee while we wait?"  And at that one of the trucks went off to Tim Hortons to get some coffee while we waited for the boom.

Good times....Rain's keeping the dust down (in compliance with the all new  2008 anti-dirt lung laws of Afghanistan) and I got a little entertainment off the new guy.

Life is good.

Bury the Habit

It's been a wee bit mundane around here lately.  No probing by Taliwacker and mostly we've just been trying to stay out of trouble with our "stellar" higher echelon.  At any rate I thought I'd share a little bit of our world.  We've put a lot of work into Camp Georgia and it's been coming together quite nicely, if I might say so myself.  So, we like to keep it clean.  Well, we've designated our patio area, around our wood burning stove, to be the smoking area at night.  It's the time we all gather around, smoke cigars/cigarettes and talk about the days events and tomorrows plans etc.  Well, we only have two cigarette smokers and they happen to be an E3 and E4.  Well, one of them left a couple of cigarette butts on the patio, which SGM found the next morning.  We have our suspicions on which it is and I won't say names but I'm sure its the E3.  There are times the poor guy can't get it right.  Well, the E4 is quite witty and downright smart to tell the truth.  Since we didn't know which one left the butts behind, (for "professional development") they both got tasked with performing a funeral for the cigarette.  Allee, our E4 was tasked with the eulogy.  He was quite upset about it at first but once I reinforced the satire of it all and assured him I didn't want to be disappointed. Well, it was on!  I downloaded "Danny Boy" and a bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" for appropriately placed effect.  It was, frankly downright hilarious.  Just a note on the pics.  The casket was made of cardboard with painting on top.  The headstone had "here lies the butt of everyone's joke."  The grave site hasn't been moved to date.

So, here it is, the eulogy to the cigarette by SPC Allee.

Friends and neighbors:

We are gathered here today to celebrate the passing of one of our own.  Many of us present did not know her well, but she has left her mar on all of us in even her brief time here, even if only second-hand.  Many who did not know her have talked about her darker side, the various cancers and addiction issues that she and her sisters are blamed for.  She was vilified as a near criminal, a cold-blooded killer whose pack was often accused of causing addiction and painful death.  But to those of us who know her, there was another side, a better side.  She gave her life for what she believed in, for something bigger than herself.  She sacrificed herself on the altar of another's pleasure.  Even while being burned alive, she stayed true to her beliefs and remained silent.

While many of her sisters had glamorous careers in Hollywood cinema and the business world, she chose a humbler path.  She dedicated her life, and her death, to the happiness of a service member far away from his loved ones here in Afghanistan.  Even as she lay dying alone on a cold, concrete floor thousands of miles from her birthplace, she felt no remorse for the things left undone.  She was a bright point of warmth in the lives of those who knew her.

We will remember our fallen friend.  She is on of approximately 11 billion cigarettes who are snuffed out each day.  But she is more than just a statistic to us, more than just another martyr in the unending tobacco wars.  She was a friend, she was a neighbor, she was an American.  She helped all of us in her own way, whether it was helping someone wake up in the morning, calming them down after a bit of stress, or reducing the amount of claimed social security benefits by 2.5 cents, or by increasing state and federal revenues through excise taxes, she always did her part to help those around her.  And while her detractors have spoken at great length about the evils of "her kind" she and her sisters have committed, I give you this thought:

"If you're frightened of death, and you keep holding on, you see devils tearing your life away.  But, if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from this world."

While some, even among us here, might feel that she was part of an organization that slowly murders millions of people each day on the altar of corporate greed, I believe that she was merely doing a difficult, painful job with as much quiet dignity as she could.  So let her life and death serve as an example to us all in these trying times.  Almost fro the moment of her birth, she was crammed into a shipping container shoulder to shoulder with her sisters, 20 of the in all, and shipped inhumanely halfway around the world.  And rather than railing against the injustice of it all, she instead found her inner peace.  She found it in her heart to forgive those who treated her cruelly, and went on to do her duty to the best of her ability.  We, who also live in containers, with very few living amenities, should look upon her not with pity or disgust, but as a shining example.  Can we, with her noble example to guide us, not look at those around us with compassion?  Her life, and her death, should be our guide.

It is up to us, the survivors, to carry on her work.  We must be willing to give of ourselves to bring tranquility to those around us.  Even as those who we sacrifice ourselves for demand more and more from us, we must do our duty and set an example for them with our quiet professionalism.  No matter how great our trials and tribulations others inflict on us for their own amusement, we must do our best to bear them with grace and humility.  After all, what greater gift can a man give than to sacrifice of himself to lessen the boredom of his elders?

While all of us knew her, what we did not always realize was her sense of irony.  In keeping with this, she has requested that while her butt be buried here today, the rest of her ashes were to be scattered across this camp where she gave up her life.  In keeping with this request, we consign some of her remains here to the earth before us today.  Let that which remains here anchor her to us in our hearts and minds, and let that which blows free help to guide us on our journeys through this life, and the next, until we can once again reunite free of the prisons of the flesh in the ever after.

She has requested that in lieu of flowers, cash donations should be used to buy her sisters out of bondage at KAF duty free shop.  Please see SPC Allee after this service to make arrangements.

Please join me in a moment of remembrance for our fallen comrade, she who made the ultimate sacrifice and died alone for the enjoyment of others.  She stood true to the tradition of the gladiators who came before her, even to her final breath.  She is in a better place now.  may her spirit live on in the words, thoughts and deeds of those of us who remain.

 

GO DAWGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41-10!  Hawa......Who? What? Huh? Hawaii by....huh?  Didn't hear you!  Can you say that again?  Gonna win by.....?  Welcome to the mainland!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats to USC for puting Illinois back in their hole.  Alright Buckeyes, its redemption time.  Please don't let me down.  It's bad enough I've got to be in this hole.  Don't dig me another!