"Fear breads a deadening caution, a holding back, a stagnant waiting until people no longer can recall what they are waiting for or saving themselves for. When we fear failure more than we love life; when we are dominated by thoughts of what we might have been rather than by thoughts of what we might become; when we are haunted by the disparity between our ideal self and our real self; when we are tormented by guilt, shame, remorse, and self-condemnation, we deny our faith in the God of love." Brennan Manning

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Alive and Sticking

Haven't been able to log into blogger recently, sorry for the delay in updates.  First and foremost I need to thank Mary Lou, Greg and my wife for sending over some goodies.  Thanks so much.  You all are wonderful!
We're about to the 2 month marker for getting the heck out of here.  I must say I feel like a fly stuck to fly paper.  Sometimes its like groundhog day with all the repetition day in and out but now it's more like being tortured.  You can see the light, remember your home and ignite your senses but you can't get your legs off the damn sticky paper to get there.  It's interesting to observe the conversational shift.  The understood is being with family and just partaking in extreme, insane amounts of sex but here are some other thoughts.  "What do you want to eat when you get home?"  "Ooh, how about a real hamburger with real cheese.........and a beer" or even better "I can't wait to mow my lawn......and drink a beer."  "I can't wait to go to pick up groceries without putting on body armor and shooting warning shots at people........and then drink a beer."  "I can't wait to drive a car less than 15,000 pounds."  "I can't wait to take a shower and not be afraid to get the water in my mouth."  "I never want to see another water bottle again, anyone for tap?"  "I just want to see something on TV besides cricket and English football."  "What am I going to do without my 50 cal.? You think they'll let me take it to my desk job?  Gosh, I'm not sure I can go back there."  "Do you think I'll ever be able to drive down the right side of the street again?"
It may seem simple but when you've been here a year, that's what life's all about.

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