WOW

If you haven't read the previous comment by my buddy, click on it in the prior post comments and read about Habakkuk. Habakkuk was a favorite of my grandmother's when she was alive. The words in the book always spoke to her and for some reason it's one of those things I remember. Anyway, it's a good booster for anyone, despite your situation or lack there of. I will contend one thing though. The National Guard could actually make even God get up on the Sabbath to wonder what they're thinking!
Thanks Scotty.

Ecclesiastes

Let me preface this as this is an ironic joke. I don't want anyone thinking my normal level of PTSD has been elevated to an intolerable degree. Truthfully, my PTSD is from dealing with fairly incompetent leadership more than the few TICs I've been in while over here. Frankly, the Taliban are easier to deal with. You just shoot em and its over. Everyone sleeps well.
So, back to my little story. I get these "verse of the day" emails to balance the rather impure world I live in. It can't hurt to find a little balance you know! So, today's verse is Ecclesiastes 7:4. "A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time." The irony comes into play in that all we want to do is go home and be "fools" but we're here sweating the equivelent of an Umpa Lumpa off every hour or so wishing we could shoot ourselves just for the medivac home. Corrigan is sleeping in the bunk next to me. Mid morning he was lying in bed, sweatin g his Umpa off and rolled over and said "Doc, I've got one round left......set me free," or something to that effect.
It amazes me that our command has had a year to prepare for our departure and now, a year later, can't even tell us an approximation of when we're flying home. Baffling and more frustrating than anything we've endured all year long. HMM. Operation Enduring Freedom. Wonder if this is what they're talking about........
Anyway, forgive me my Lord if I only want to trade my wisdom for foolishness for a season or so. Forgive me if I don't read Solomon's teachings for a few years as well. They're pretty damn depressing.

Inevitable

It was bound to happen. Anyone for a week delay in country? What more can I say?

The Wall

The "Wall."
No, not Pink Floyd or the Runner's.
Not the Chinese Great one or your local bar.
Not the Wailing Wall or the Vietnam Memorial one.
Not the Berlin Wall or the one in New York that causes us great pains at the gas tank.
Not Hadrian's Wall or the one's that fell around Jericho (albeit they may be closer than I think). Not even Fenway's Green Monster or the Wall of Troy.
I'm naming a new wall. The Soldier's Wall. The one I've come close to many times over the last 15 months but have now become intimate with and thus my move from what's become home away from home to another. All this spinning down has taken me with it so I'm going into the Land of Milk and Honey.........ie Tim Horton's, Green Bean and chow hall's that provide food for you. A place where roughage isn't canned corn or reconstituted mashed potatoes. A place where salad isn't the weed you pick from between the gravel. A place where TV doesn't bestow the virtues of everywhere but the Western World. A place where working out won't cause a tetanus panic. A place where walking outside the small walls won't risk increasing your weight by one 7.62mm brass round. A place where Portuguese and Bulgarians shop there hearts out in between long perimeter guard shifts. A place you don't just dream about where your scat goes, but you can smell it because its right next to you. Oh, yes, the scat pond.
It calls to me. It says, "break the mold." "Be brave.....Come back to me." So, I will heed the call and and try to break away from my funk. I will return to where it began almost 12 months ago.

I'm trying

I'm trying to think of something worthwhile to report but the only thing that comes to mind is getting the hell out of this country.  We dropped off three of the original guys a few days ago which is a good thing because they're going home and because I'm not sure if we could get a lick of work out of them if we had to.  The two of us, SGM and myself, are out of here a week and a half or so.  

So, nothing to report.....good, I guess.

Still Progressing

Solomon wisely said "There's nothing new under the sun."  Einstein so brilliantly paralleled the wise leader's words with his own scientific knowledge.   (paraphrased)  "Energy is neither created nor destroyed, just transformed from one form to another."  It's the same here.  Nothing new and the energy allotment for this area of the world is low and exists at a minimum from day to day, form to form.

Yes, its getting tough to wait it out!

No Appropriate Title

Well, 9Apr08 has arrived.  Things are spinning up in order to spin down, at least for us.  The trickle exchange of new for old is occurring as you read this.  Soon I'll be moving and you'll hear me bitching about the Romanians and Bulgarians on the internet and in the PX as I did about a year ago.  To the right is Goddard's comment about the Romanians stood for quite a while before I removed it.  As a reminder, "Those Romanians love them some internet!"  It's hard to believe (not really) that almost a year has passed since he said that and soon there after we parted ways, half our team north and half west.  Soon we'll be coming back together and heading home to our respective places to assimilate.  

The difference now is that the Fobbits of Kandahar won't be as irritating to me, Kuwait will have essence of a Mediterranean beach and Ft Riley will be a welcome site and the horrific Atlanta traffic will probably draw up a certain amount of peace for me instead of the road rage of old.  

When I see my wife, daughter, family and friends I won't look at them the same.  I can't.  I wasted so much time on the things that don't matter, wrapped up in the American Dream of consumption.  With the benefit of hind site and near death experiences, my picture is more balanced and my appreciation for my family, friends and life in general has taken a new level.  With God's (the real one) help I'll maintain this healthier, simpler view and carry on contributing to His grand scheme.

With all that soulful growth stuff in mind (I can't go down the emotional path too long without veering off), I look forward to coming home to my house, taking a walk and eating dinner with my family, sampling my way through Whole Foods with Mandy and Leah, visiting every brewery within traveling distance, vacations with all my family and friends, having my wife reign in my daily visits to Starbucks on the way to work and  going to the hospital, getting pages all day long and standing in the OR discussing the crap equipment while driving a Synthes nail (good plug, eh) into a femur.

These are just a few of my favorite things!

Camel Day

Being that the locals in the US don't usually have camels hanging around the back yard, SGM decided it would be in our best interest to learn to appreciate the modes of travel we have available to us at home.  This has been tossed around for the last few months as an absolute necessity before departure, thus yesterday became "Camel Day" at Camp Georgia.  Yes, they are rigid to ride on.  Yes, I had to coerce the brothers to fall back down into anatomical position after dismounting.  No, they are not the quality that you may find in Saudi Arabia........nothing here is.  None the less, I rode a camel.  Lawrence has nothing on me!

1 Month

Yep, here it is.  Minus one month before I depart from this phenom that some call a country.  It's more of a conglomerate of peoples that live close to each other and do their best to disturb peace. Anyway, enough of that.  I've seen war movies about how hardened vets get close to the end of a tour and get all pent up with caution.  Well, that's so real with the caveat that you actually have to operate off the "day spas" in a less than hospitable environment.  The desert holds many secrets and a few of them I'd like to see stay put.  I find myself much less willing to go and do risky missions and more than that I don't want to leave the asphalt when moving from place to place. My father always taught me to "FLAP" (Finish Like A Pro) and I'd say of done my fair share of that this year but I find myself wanting to "FLOP" (F the Last OPerations).   

Back

I've arrived home again and slept well last night for the first time in 4 days.  The first thing I did was bust out some shorts and celebrate being away from the "Flag Pole."  It's absolutely insane how uptight Camp Phoenix is.  It has to be the salute capitol of the world.  Way too much brass up there.  You can't walk 5 feet without saluting to or back at someone.  God forbid you make a no cover, no salute policy like the NATO commands do.  Woops, don't want to set a bad example for the world.  Ahh, the US military, we are so wound up we can't allow people to relax and just do their job.  "Ah to be" as my mother would say.  Anyway, I'm back in the South, thank God, and actually in the real war zone.  Ironically it feels sooooo liberating!

Happy Easter

I've seen that alot of new stuff has come across the wire on the internet so I thought I'd update this to let everyone know that I'm fine.  I've been on the move alot lately and haven't had much I can talk about to report.  Right now I'm up enjoying some "down time" in Kabul.  Nothing I'm willing to admit to here except I'm ready to get away from all the brass and worthless uniform policies around this place!

Anyway, I truly hope that you all have had a happy Easter and remember why we celebrate it.  No matter what your faith is, unless you're Muslim, this place will make you appreciate how wonderful Jesus really is and how freeing it is to believe in him.  That's all I can say without busting my politically correct bubble!

Carry on!

Happy Easter

Check out the new side bar

My boredom with the Afghans and Taliban have drawn me closer to a new hobby.  Hunting of another sort, if you will.  Out with the old, in with the new!  Yep, for your entertainment I'm willing to sacrifice minutes a day in capturing Talimice.  They bait us with mines and IEDs so in turn, I'm bating in their mice with little bits of honey leading up to some provolone on a mouse trap.  It's working like a champ!  Anyway, the side bar will be named after Pinky and The Brain, the infamous Warner Bro characters.  

Did you say you wanted a picture or two?  Here's #4 hanging resting in the burn pit.  I have to keep it informal thus I may become attached to my victims.

Addendum:  Soon after the death of #4, #5 was captured and interrogated, found to be useless and "taken for a drive."  Note for interest.  Always drag one of your senior NCOs into your sick schemes.  As an officer, it's always best to have the plausible deniability effect to fall back on. Top #4, bottom #5

I got nothing boss!

The internet actually came up for a while today so I started to put some blog material up and actually published it for about 20 minutes or so.  After realizing that the press would probably hound my family and get me put in prison for stating pro American, pro Christian and anti Taliban sentiments, I deleted it.  Call me weak but truthfully my rant was founded on press releases from the BBC and local press.  I figured spilling my opinion of the Islamic culture (IN THIS COUNTRY) would get me in trouble by mindless liberals out to get the bad American soldier who tramples across the world doing Satan's work.  So, moving on to a more cheery note.......

One of my best friends, who will be kept nameless for his safety from those mindless people, had a daughter in the last few days.  Congratulations!  Welcome to the whooped dad club! Every penis in the world has just become a problem.

In other news.  We have to be fairly aggressive driving on the streets of our lovely, star bright albeit smelly and dusty city.  One of our gunners is quite verbal, to say the least, to traffic that may delay our movement from point A to point B.  There's nothing like, well....anything to stop you at point A.5 if you get my drift.  So, we get people out of our way.  This particular guy has numerous, exhilarating sayings that ooze of intelligence far beyond his rank (for real).  Phrases like..."Get off my **$& road!" and "It's my road until I'm done using it!" "Are you friggin blind, oops, sorry!"  "Get your ass (for real, a donkey) off my road!"  He has a special way about himself.  He's the guy that wrote the eulogy for the cigarette....get my drift.  Smart and sassy!

Well, today we had a genius driving in the middle of the road, coming toward us and this gunner is waving and shouting, the whole Rules of Engagement thing, and finally points his 50 down down at the guy and screeches out with a trailing up and question mark pitch "Are you trying to die?"  Come to find out the guy didn't want to see Allah today and politely left about 20 ft of tire markings on the road and probably some fecal matter on his seat.  I know this was one of those "had to be there and had to know the guy" moments but man it was funny.  The pitch of his voice was so comedic.  

OK!  My moment.  Moving on.

Bev thanks for the box.  It took less than a month to get here.  Mary Lou, slowly getting your stuffed animals out to little girls and sometimes Police when they don't intentionally try to get us killed.  That's a plus in my book.  They get a star or stuffed animal for playing nice.

Milk......It does a soldier good!

Hey!  I know what you're thinking.  "Wow, two posts in a week!"  But I have something impressive.  The Canadians have real milk!  Yep, after a recent patrol, in the vicinity of somewhere, we stopped by one of the Canadian FOBs and had dinner.  They had real, whole milk.  I dipped a fresh chocolate chip cookie into it and had one of those flashback moments with the streaming music playing in the background.  Then I thought "if the Canadians can get fresh milk, why the hell can't the US Army get it?"  Suddenly remembering that real milk is for Air Force personnel, I returned to my moment of splendor and enjoyed three glasses of milk, savoring every moment like a high ball of Crown Royal or a pint of Flying Dog.  

Thank you Canada, for your efforts in supplying the finer things to your troops I grant you "real country" status. Sorry for the South Park reference, it had to done.

Alive and Sticking

Haven't been able to log into blogger recently, sorry for the delay in updates.  First and foremost I need to thank Mary Lou, Greg and my wife for sending over some goodies.  Thanks so much.  You all are wonderful!

We're about to the 2 month marker for getting the heck out of here.  I must say I feel like a fly stuck to fly paper.  Sometimes its like groundhog day with all the repetition day in and out but now it's more like being tortured.  You can see the light, remember your home and ignite your senses but you can't get your legs off the damn sticky paper to get there.  It's interesting to observe the conversational shift.  The understood is being with family and just partaking in extreme, insane amounts of sex but here are some other thoughts.  "What do you want to eat when you get home?"  "Ooh, how about a real hamburger with real cheese.........and a beer" or even better "I can't wait to mow my lawn......and drink a beer."  "I can't wait to go to pick up groceries without putting on body armor and shooting warning shots at people........and then drink a beer."  "I can't wait to drive a car less than 15,000 pounds."  "I can't wait to take a shower and not be afraid to get the water in my mouth."  "I never want to see another water bottle again, anyone for tap?"  "I just want to see something on TV besides cricket and English football."  "What am I going to do without my 50 cal.? You think they'll let me take it to my desk job?  Gosh, I'm not sure I can go back there."  "Do you think I'll ever be able to drive down the right side of the street again?"

It may seem simple but when you've been here a year, that's what life's all about.

The Energizer Bunny...well..... bird

That's what its taking to keep us motivated at this point!  It's getting tough to keep up the desire to give a crap.  I've done well since February of last year but this deployment has worn out its welcome and I'm glad that its coming to an end.  The deployments have recently been shortened to 12 months total instead of the 3 month mobilization up, 12 months BOG (boots on ground) and then demobilization.  God willing my family and I'll dodge the future bullet and not have to worry about this again.  We are all about serving the country but this 15-16 month stuff is for the birds............and speaking of that......

This was our guest the other day.  Since we seem to be the suckers of the Afghanistan National Geographic Society, our terp brought us an owl that they found on the side of the road.  It's wings were tied and it had some sort of old trauma to its left eye.  We clipped the ties, fed it, gave it some water then let it go.  What a beautiful creature.  The wing span was phenomenal.  It was ironic that we had it tied to the grill.  Tastes like......

The History of Electrical Power

I encourage you to look it up then get on your knees and thank the Almighty God, creater of all things, especially scientists and engineers, for giving us the ability to harness it.  Where is this coming  from you may ask.....a few GIs that don't live on big bases and depend on single generators to provide electricity occasionally lose them (generators, that is).  And when that occurs in the middle of a cold ass desert, nights get long.  REAL LONG.  Long enough for ice to develop inside living quarters and on body appendages.  I'm not sure but I may have lost my last few hair follicles last night.  Not to worry, they won't be missed! 

Panic in the Metropolis

We got the good SGM back from vacation late last night.  I felt like I was going pick up a long lost brother.  We've been together for the last 14 months and it just seems odd not having him around.  So, we went late last night to spare him an extra day at the local "fobbit" hangout as well to get all our ducks back in a row, so to speak.  

Well, while we were waiting for his plane to arrive, we had a "rocket" attack/drill, who the hell knows, but anyway the sirens went off and everyone went for cover in their respectve shelters.  Glenn, Allee and I just looked at each other and watched with amazement as all ran away so, we took off for our Humvee just to be part of the excitement.  We thought it'd be an excellent time to go get coffee because the line would be short but nooooooo, Tim Hortons closes during rocket attacks.  Can you beleive the nerve!  Meanwhile,  I get a call from G who happened to be at the PX, also trying to take advantage of the break in Bulgarians, Jordanians and French who pillage it and leave little for US personnel.  He wasn't allowed in either!  The nerve continues.  He says, "you hear a rocket, sir?" Nope.  You? "Nope."  Well, wait until the all clear and make a bum rush before the ISAF (NATO) troops get in their and get what you need!  

Well, we do a drive by of our other truck at the boardwalk and those two boneheads are hanging out smoking next to the truck.  I told Glenn to pull over and tell them to get in the truck and at least look nervous! Plus, we don't want to draw attention to ourselves right!  

God forbid the French/Canadian security police pull you in for questioning.  They're more likely to question us than the Taliban but that's a different lane.

Anyway, SGM is back and we all had a good day today.  Plans are stepping up and hopefully the next three months will fly by! 

Grateful to be in a Box

So, I was minding my own business today, taking care of business around the camp before heading to our local Log base to pick up my new Humvee.  More to follow on that!  So, nice and sunny until we got ready to leave then it blew in.  Holy scheizer!  By the time we got back tonight the winds had kicked up to the point that the tin was pulling off the roof of the shelters separating the shipping containers that we live in.  The tin was coming off with enough force to cut someone in half....not kidding.  So, I'm glad to live in a shipping container and not in the wooden huts like the enlisted guys!  I'm not so sure that one of those things couldn't shear the plywood they live in.  Now if I could do something about the water leaking all over my friggin room!

Yes, We went to pick up another Humvee today.  After the whole signing your life away thing, I walked over to one of the other officers from Georgia and told him I felt like a teenager getting his first car, but with a .50 cal and SAW (sqaud automatic weapon) to boot!  As I turned to walk away (close your ears mom) I said "It's time for me to get the *(&^ out of this country!  When a guy gets jittery over a new 1151, its just time to get out!"  

I'll let you know if our entire shelter blows away.  Who knows, I may wake up in Kansas tomorrow!

Everlasting Peace to you all!

Huh?!?

I'm struggling for stuff to discuss here.  It's been a very busy few weeks and lots of what we've been doing is in the same nature of the prior posting so gosh how do I keep one interested.  Well, I've got to purchase a car when I get home and I've been having a tough time trying to find something I want touching base with what I can afford.  So, if there are any fairly wealthy people out there that want to sponsor me (BMW 328i or Toyota Tundra, for instance), feel free to leave a message and I'll be back with you in a few seconds.  At any rate, I've been looking over some of my pics of our last trip down to the Pakistan border and it put me in perspective of my needs.  It could always be worse, you could be the donkey!

By the way, happy February 1!  Knocking down the months over here.  We're in double digits, hooah....n'stuff!

A Little View

I rack my brain sometimes trying to find something to send over the blog that may interest you.  After about a year of this I must admit I'm a little tapped out on things that just may.  I can share some of what we do as "Police Mentors" but little else that we do out in the field.  Often I can show you pics of places that we visit but often its not really our tactical turf so to speak.  Recently, we picked up some new police to mentor and here are some pictures of some of the training we've been conducting on site.  Mind you, "Police" is a rather watered down version of "Local Soldier" in this country so much of what we teach is more military in nature.  If the ANP look a little weird, that's because I painted their eyes.  Any real concern, no, but just in case.

What you get

This is what you get when you cross a hottie named Auburn and a rather stout bruit named Kujo.

Anatomy of the Cold

There's a truth about anatomy and physiology.  The scrotum and testicles are located on the outside of the body because optimal sperm formation occurs a few degrees cooler than core temp (about 98.6 F).  Well, ye ole' scrotum is controlled by two muscle groups that control the elevation of the testicles, assisting with their warming and cooling, and of course, optimizing sperm production.  Well, the dartos and cremaster muscles both contract in response to one of two stimuli, sexual arousal or cold.  Well, in light of the painful, tragic and dire lack of sexual arousal there can be only one reason my testicles have been resting about 2 or 3 centimeters from my heart for the last few days.......it's cold as hell!  Holy......

Um, please say you're kidding

OK, so my internet has been down for about a week.  The weather we've been having has been pretty hellacious.  We've been down in the single digits at night, the heaters have been freeazing up and the wind and rain has been so impressive that its blown sat dishes in many directions.  We actually had snow the other day as well.

So, here's my wow.  I get on iTunes to check for any new music and low and behold I see "Menudo."  Um, far be it from me to be selective about who should be on the comeback trail but...........MENUDO!  WOW!  Major migraine flashback.  As a soldier protecting my country's best interests I think I should stand up now and say no!

In other news.....Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer have released a blockbuster combo ............

White Cedar

Holy crap!  Anyone seen any white Lebanese cedar?  Afghanistan has been deforrested to a point that'd make paper companies upset and I need to build an arc before its too late!

Rain. We have rain.

So, I can count on one hand how many days its rained since May.  Make that two now.  We've had three near solid days of rain.  My new sardine can is leaking like a 62 Chevy through the front door hinge and I've got Gator, the pup, diving in my room at every chance for any reprieve from the elements.  He leaves it smelling like a wet Afghan ass (donkey.... well.... maybe), to boot.  I couldn't take it so after dinner tonight he got a shower, (sponsored in part by Dr Bonnie of Boswell Animal Clinic of Columbus, MS.) That's free plug is for the chew sticks, vitamins, collars and shampoo sent by our lovey vet clinic in MS.  Stop on by there if you get a chance, nice folks.  

Moving on........So, now he's bundled up and too lazy to get outside for his food.  I'm sure I'll pay for it about 0100 when his stomach starts to growl.  Auburn tucked herself away under a conex on the ANP side and had her pups today.  It took a while to find her.  We looked everywhere, but under the conex on their side because there's no way that fat heifer could have fit under there.  Well, she did.  I could only count three brown pups.  We'll check in the morning to see if more entered this exquisite, real estate rich country.

We picked up our new guy yesterday.  Nice guy from Syracuse, NY.  Well, this is his first deployment.  SGM and I gave him the "old, its gonna be OK speech" when we picked him up.  Told him how well the roads were around here and he had little to be concerned about.  You know, trying to assist him in relaxing and not worrying about everything that he was told to worry about during premobilization training.  Well, we were getting ready to head out when we got stood down from leaving the base.  EOD (explosive guys) were detonating an IED right outside the base.   So, we pulled over, dismounted the Humvees and had a talk.  The new guy was still in the humvee waiting for instruction.   Well, you know me........I had to say something.  SGM looked at me and knew exactly what I was thinking.  I said, I have to.  It's his first day here and after the its safe speech I gotta say something!  So, I went around the vehicle and knocked on his door.  He opened and I told him he could get out and take off his body armor because they were detonating an IED on our main route.  It was classic.......everything a moment like that could have been and more.... "Rogggeerrr tthaatt siirr,"as he dismounted the truck.   I responded, "Hey, you want some coffee while we wait?"  And at that one of the trucks went off to Tim Hortons to get some coffee while we waited for the boom.

Good times....Rain's keeping the dust down (in compliance with the all new  2008 anti-dirt lung laws of Afghanistan) and I got a little entertainment off the new guy.

Life is good.

Bury the Habit

It's been a wee bit mundane around here lately.  No probing by Taliwacker and mostly we've just been trying to stay out of trouble with our "stellar" higher echelon.  At any rate I thought I'd share a little bit of our world.  We've put a lot of work into Camp Georgia and it's been coming together quite nicely, if I might say so myself.  So, we like to keep it clean.  Well, we've designated our patio area, around our wood burning stove, to be the smoking area at night.  It's the time we all gather around, smoke cigars/cigarettes and talk about the days events and tomorrows plans etc.  Well, we only have two cigarette smokers and they happen to be an E3 and E4.  Well, one of them left a couple of cigarette butts on the patio, which SGM found the next morning.  We have our suspicions on which it is and I won't say names but I'm sure its the E3.  There are times the poor guy can't get it right.  Well, the E4 is quite witty and downright smart to tell the truth.  Since we didn't know which one left the butts behind, (for "professional development") they both got tasked with performing a funeral for the cigarette.  Allee, our E4 was tasked with the eulogy.  He was quite upset about it at first but once I reinforced the satire of it all and assured him I didn't want to be disappointed. Well, it was on!  I downloaded "Danny Boy" and a bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" for appropriately placed effect.  It was, frankly downright hilarious.  Just a note on the pics.  The casket was made of cardboard with painting on top.  The headstone had "here lies the butt of everyone's joke."  The grave site hasn't been moved to date.

So, here it is, the eulogy to the cigarette by SPC Allee.

Friends and neighbors:

We are gathered here today to celebrate the passing of one of our own.  Many of us present did not know her well, but she has left her mar on all of us in even her brief time here, even if only second-hand.  Many who did not know her have talked about her darker side, the various cancers and addiction issues that she and her sisters are blamed for.  She was vilified as a near criminal, a cold-blooded killer whose pack was often accused of causing addiction and painful death.  But to those of us who know her, there was another side, a better side.  She gave her life for what she believed in, for something bigger than herself.  She sacrificed herself on the altar of another's pleasure.  Even while being burned alive, she stayed true to her beliefs and remained silent.

While many of her sisters had glamorous careers in Hollywood cinema and the business world, she chose a humbler path.  She dedicated her life, and her death, to the happiness of a service member far away from his loved ones here in Afghanistan.  Even as she lay dying alone on a cold, concrete floor thousands of miles from her birthplace, she felt no remorse for the things left undone.  She was a bright point of warmth in the lives of those who knew her.

We will remember our fallen friend.  She is on of approximately 11 billion cigarettes who are snuffed out each day.  But she is more than just a statistic to us, more than just another martyr in the unending tobacco wars.  She was a friend, she was a neighbor, she was an American.  She helped all of us in her own way, whether it was helping someone wake up in the morning, calming them down after a bit of stress, or reducing the amount of claimed social security benefits by 2.5 cents, or by increasing state and federal revenues through excise taxes, she always did her part to help those around her.  And while her detractors have spoken at great length about the evils of "her kind" she and her sisters have committed, I give you this thought:

"If you're frightened of death, and you keep holding on, you see devils tearing your life away.  But, if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from this world."

While some, even among us here, might feel that she was part of an organization that slowly murders millions of people each day on the altar of corporate greed, I believe that she was merely doing a difficult, painful job with as much quiet dignity as she could.  So let her life and death serve as an example to us all in these trying times.  Almost fro the moment of her birth, she was crammed into a shipping container shoulder to shoulder with her sisters, 20 of the in all, and shipped inhumanely halfway around the world.  And rather than railing against the injustice of it all, she instead found her inner peace.  She found it in her heart to forgive those who treated her cruelly, and went on to do her duty to the best of her ability.  We, who also live in containers, with very few living amenities, should look upon her not with pity or disgust, but as a shining example.  Can we, with her noble example to guide us, not look at those around us with compassion?  Her life, and her death, should be our guide.

It is up to us, the survivors, to carry on her work.  We must be willing to give of ourselves to bring tranquility to those around us.  Even as those who we sacrifice ourselves for demand more and more from us, we must do our duty and set an example for them with our quiet professionalism.  No matter how great our trials and tribulations others inflict on us for their own amusement, we must do our best to bear them with grace and humility.  After all, what greater gift can a man give than to sacrifice of himself to lessen the boredom of his elders?

While all of us knew her, what we did not always realize was her sense of irony.  In keeping with this, she has requested that while her butt be buried here today, the rest of her ashes were to be scattered across this camp where she gave up her life.  In keeping with this request, we consign some of her remains here to the earth before us today.  Let that which remains here anchor her to us in our hearts and minds, and let that which blows free help to guide us on our journeys through this life, and the next, until we can once again reunite free of the prisons of the flesh in the ever after.

She has requested that in lieu of flowers, cash donations should be used to buy her sisters out of bondage at KAF duty free shop.  Please see SPC Allee after this service to make arrangements.

Please join me in a moment of remembrance for our fallen comrade, she who made the ultimate sacrifice and died alone for the enjoyment of others.  She stood true to the tradition of the gladiators who came before her, even to her final breath.  She is in a better place now.  may her spirit live on in the words, thoughts and deeds of those of us who remain.

 

GO DAWGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41-10!  Hawa......Who? What? Huh? Hawaii by....huh?  Didn't hear you!  Can you say that again?  Gonna win by.....?  Welcome to the mainland!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats to USC for puting Illinois back in their hole.  Alright Buckeyes, its redemption time.  Please don't let me down.  It's bad enough I've got to be in this hole.  Don't dig me another!